Katsup time! Get it? Katsup=catch up, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
I do not know where to start. Sorry that I haven't written for awhile, I have just gotten so caught up in my life here. I don't even write in my journal anymore, it just feels like I'm constantly doing something, and some ways it feels likes sitting down and writing it all after it happens is tedious, and somehow takes away from everything I've been doing here.
Anyways, my month of research was really really great. I cannot believe how quickly the time passed, and while I think my final essay sucks, I think my research was good! I can't remember if I explained this but I ended up studying urban agriculture and urban development in Dschang. I looked at why people farm in the city, what they farm and how, what are their biggest obstacles, and how urban agriculture in general changed after the economic crisis of 1986. I also worked with city administration to figure out if there is a plan for urban development (there has NEVER been one, there is only one in the works now, but Dschang is already a city of around 65,000 people), and what they think a developed city should look like, and if agriculture has a place in the city. I could go on forever about this. I still can't really figure out why plants and development interest me so much, but I'll just run with it I guess. If you're interested I'll show y'all my project when I get back, but like I said, the research is much better than the final product. I am still really proud of it though. I just spent a month doing field research (for the first time!) in a culture that I only kind of understand, in a language that I can only really stumble through. Not to mention lots of my informants didn't actually speak much french or english, but yemba (local language) or pidgin. I did 26 formal and informal interviews (I HATE transcribing interviews), 29 surveys, and a lot of participant observation.
I also really loved living in Dschang. I had places where I would always hang out, and friends and family. I love my host family in Yaoundé too, but I would be lieing if I said that I like this city. I just think in general that people in big cities are less friendly, and Yaoundé is ENORMOUS. Also, I don't have my hangout spots here, and my only Cameroonian friends are the students in my program and host siblings of my American friends. I just feel like it's harder to meet people here, because we're stuck in Bastos and Golf and Tsinga, the fancy neighborhoods with the rich foreigners and foreign embassies. If we were next to the University things would probably be different. Dschang is a University town (an agricultural university town at that), and I lived pretty close to the school. I met so many people and made friends who will actually miss me there. Even the guy the owns the boutique next to my house and the people who always hang out there! But Yaoundé is just so big.
I felt very close to my family too. Saying bye was hard. Actually, I kind of hate long drawn out farewells, so it wasn't that hard, but I was sad to leave.
Since I've been back in Yaoundé...first I finished up some things with my 47 page paper, and then all the students presented. I was SO impressed with the work everyone did, although it did suck spending two days listening to all at once. OH my god, I forgot to mention that Yaoundé is disgustingly hot, whereas Dschang is perfect. The city is in the mountains, and I was even cold sometimes when it rained.
I feel like I haven't talked much about the other students in this program, and how much I love them. Somehow, our group just gets along so well. There are not cliques, and I feel like no one is ever left out. I am really sad to leave them aswell, knowing that we're all scattered throughout the country. It's nice though, knowing that I have good friends all of the east coast, and the mid-west.
After we finished presenting, we started drinking, and I know I shouldn't admit this because I think it's mainly my grandparents who read this blog, but I am only being honest! Really though, one night I went out with a couple American friends and their host siblings (who are now my friends!) until 3 am, which is actually early in Cameroonian standards. Then the next night was the big homestay family party, which meant free wine and beer with my parents, and lots of dancing with my 14 year old sister(aka my best friend). Then was the last "student night", a night when the staff members and any student who wants stays at the office where we have classes until 9 or 10 and then get driven home. That was sooooo fun. Everyone stayed for the last one, and I did paper plate awards for everyone. My friend Abi helped a lot, and we both made everyone sit down and presented the awards. I did it with a cup of boxed wine in my hand. We even did awards for all the staff members. I should note that the staff members are also some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. They are all Cameroonian which helps enormously, and they are also all sooooo incredibly nice and fun and comforting and just all around awesome.
Then last night I went out again, and got pickpocketed. Sweet. I only had my phone in my pocket though, all my expensive stuff was in my bag which was closed and carried in front of me at all times. I would like to explain the aggressive beast I have become too. Actually, it is the men who are aggressive beasts, and I am just way past trying to be polite or patient. First, I would say things like, "I have a boyfriend and I love him very much," which obviously did not work. Then I tried things like, "I have a husband and he's huge and jealous" which also did not work. Then I tried, "Leave me alone, I do not want to dance with you," equally as ineffective. I have discovered that the best technique is a swift jab in the ribs or chest with my elbow, a shove, or ever a nice firm slap across the face, combined with screaming obsenities in both french and english. I love dancing, but I HATE that as soon as I start dancing I get swarmed by aggressive men who look at me as either 1. a sack of money (I'm american), or 2. a baby making machine (I'm a woman). I can't believe that I scream and hit people when I go out. I have never done that before. I worry that I'll go back to the US-where men are scared and sensitive-and be just as firm...
The awards for best removal of a gross guy goes to my friend Shireen though. We were at a Law Majors university party in Dschang, and she pushed a guy away who would not leave her alone. When he was falling away he kind of stumbled and turned, and then she kicked him in the butt.
I cannot believe that I leave tomorrow. I am so conflicted. I am soooo so so so sad, but also so excited. All I can really say is that I know someday I will come back.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Finally gettin my hands dirty, literally!
Sorry it's been so long. I really can't believe how quickly time is passing, and how much shit I still have to do for my research! Trying to do meaningful research in 4 weeks, with no real field research experience, with menial language skills, in a culture I only kind of understand, is getting really rediculous. I like the topic that I chose, and I am learing so much, but everyday I gain new leads that I do not really have time to explore, and realize new areas that I should discuss.
Oh yah, I'm studying Urban Agriculture (UA), in Dschang, just generally. But specifically, why people do it, and what will happen to it in the future. I'm looking at mechanisms:how people actually do this, whose land they use, what products they use, what they grow and how, etc. Also at the sociology: what kind of people, age and gender structures, and why they do this. Then I've been talking to city administration too to see if they think that UA has a place in the city or if it should be left to the countryside. I've taken so many pictures, because it really is incredible, the amount of crops growing in the city. In every open space there are beans and corn growing.
I just signed on to help to research about Latino families doing urban agriculture with a local NGO in Eugene. Also, I think I may do my senior thesis on comparing urban agriculture with that NGO, with agriculture in Africa urban centers (focusing on cities in Cameroon), and urban farming practiced by people like me. Three very different examples of the same concept. This is all to say that this research will follow me, and I think I'll be able to continue what I've started here in some ways.
I'm so conflicted though too. Do I really have the right to say what Cameroon should do in any way shape or form? Who am I to make claims about development, about right and wrong discourses and ideals? What do I know about the development process? What do I know about anything here? Who am I to say that this country should do anything differently. I just know that I am fucking lucky to have been born where I was born, when I was born. But I feel like even that statement is perpetuating this STUPID discourse of American hegemony. It's like every end points to what we have. We can't all live like that, it's just simply not possible. So what do we do? Do we do anything, or do we just let everything run its course?
I really believe that urban agriculture is important for development here. More important than green spaces and night clubs. And food self-sufficiency can be sustainable environmentally, socially, economicaly. Rather than wasting oil and resources on importing cereals from half way across the world, grown with fertlizers and pesticides made out of petro-chemicals, havested and seeded with giant gazzling machines, people can grow enough next door.
But the work is hard, and the days are always long. I can't ignore that cultivating is often the second job, the supplement to the already meagre income. In the U.S. people are turning towards UA to protest the system of indrustrialized agriculture, but here people are moving towards that system. How can I say that that is wrong? I've already reaped the benefits of that type of systme, and now I it's like I have the luxury of saying that it's wrong.
After class in Ngaoundere, in which we have been discussing women's rights in the northern region, me and my friend were wondering why we didn't choose majors like biology or forestry. International Relations is like pandora's box. I was just so CURIOUS, and so FASCINATED. I really thought that if I chose this I could do something good some day. Now, I realize that more that I learn, the more complicated things become, the more confused I get about my morals, politicas, theories, whatever. Now, I feel like I've become so jaded about everything. The UN Declaration of Human Rights is the biggest joke I've ever read, and I'm sick of wondering if altruism is really altruistic. So what do I do now? Become a professor and hope that someday someone else'll figure it out.
I guess though, I'm still hoping that this area of research is important, but I also hope that I'm not just being naive.
It's funny. In so many ways, I have come to love the U.S. more, and come to hate it in other ways. I miss functioning roads and sidewalks, men who don't grab my wrist on the street, drinkable tap water, public restrooms, women's rights, wifi, general INFASTRUCTURE! I can't really say that I hate certain international policies anymore than I already did, but I HATE the ultra-consumer culture and my god I feel like I need to dread my hair and sell all my shit and move out to the forest when I say that, but that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say that my siblins loves watching all those disgusting Disney channel shows about those sickening rich kids with enough crap to satisify whole cities of children for years! And then I HATE that my siblings think that that's my life. You have no idea how much discussion there was before my family believed that I don't live like that. Which brings me to my next problem: the way the West if portrayed in media here. At the same time, I am equally disgusted by how Africa is portrayed in Western media. It's all genocide and jungle and desert and big animals and AIDS and soccer. Oh and that stupid Akon music video, serious sensationalism.
I don't hate the U.S. though. I love that I can come here, and than spend a month and half traveling around Europe with my boyfriend. God I miss Julian. And I love that we split the price on most everything, and that I live with him but that it's not necessarily expected that we'll get married someday, and that I don't have to cook him dinner everynight, that he cooks for me a lot.
Sometimes, the way women are treated here makes me sick. But again, who am I to say that. Some of my opinions about cultural relativism are falling by the way side. Somethings just are not okay in my book. But so what? I feel like that, big deal. What am I gonna fly in, some, "liberated american woman" come to free the "repressed cameroonian women"? Give me a big fat ethno-centric break.
I feel like my thoughts wind round and round and I'm worried that I'm going to stop sleeping at night.
Ah, I feel better about that rant.
I have just 9 more days here (AH!) which means 9 more days to finish my research and crap out a 40 page essay about it all. Hah, I really wish I had brought my computer.
Alright, time to actually go do some work. I think I may include much of that rant in my paper, actually.
Bye guys!
Actually, before I leave, I just want to say that I'm really happy and having a really good time. I worry that my blog may imply that I am only angry and frustrated here, which is not true. Just some of the times. And only in ideas, really.
Oh yah, I'm studying Urban Agriculture (UA), in Dschang, just generally. But specifically, why people do it, and what will happen to it in the future. I'm looking at mechanisms:how people actually do this, whose land they use, what products they use, what they grow and how, etc. Also at the sociology: what kind of people, age and gender structures, and why they do this. Then I've been talking to city administration too to see if they think that UA has a place in the city or if it should be left to the countryside. I've taken so many pictures, because it really is incredible, the amount of crops growing in the city. In every open space there are beans and corn growing.
I just signed on to help to research about Latino families doing urban agriculture with a local NGO in Eugene. Also, I think I may do my senior thesis on comparing urban agriculture with that NGO, with agriculture in Africa urban centers (focusing on cities in Cameroon), and urban farming practiced by people like me. Three very different examples of the same concept. This is all to say that this research will follow me, and I think I'll be able to continue what I've started here in some ways.
I'm so conflicted though too. Do I really have the right to say what Cameroon should do in any way shape or form? Who am I to make claims about development, about right and wrong discourses and ideals? What do I know about the development process? What do I know about anything here? Who am I to say that this country should do anything differently. I just know that I am fucking lucky to have been born where I was born, when I was born. But I feel like even that statement is perpetuating this STUPID discourse of American hegemony. It's like every end points to what we have. We can't all live like that, it's just simply not possible. So what do we do? Do we do anything, or do we just let everything run its course?
I really believe that urban agriculture is important for development here. More important than green spaces and night clubs. And food self-sufficiency can be sustainable environmentally, socially, economicaly. Rather than wasting oil and resources on importing cereals from half way across the world, grown with fertlizers and pesticides made out of petro-chemicals, havested and seeded with giant gazzling machines, people can grow enough next door.
But the work is hard, and the days are always long. I can't ignore that cultivating is often the second job, the supplement to the already meagre income. In the U.S. people are turning towards UA to protest the system of indrustrialized agriculture, but here people are moving towards that system. How can I say that that is wrong? I've already reaped the benefits of that type of systme, and now I it's like I have the luxury of saying that it's wrong.
After class in Ngaoundere, in which we have been discussing women's rights in the northern region, me and my friend were wondering why we didn't choose majors like biology or forestry. International Relations is like pandora's box. I was just so CURIOUS, and so FASCINATED. I really thought that if I chose this I could do something good some day. Now, I realize that more that I learn, the more complicated things become, the more confused I get about my morals, politicas, theories, whatever. Now, I feel like I've become so jaded about everything. The UN Declaration of Human Rights is the biggest joke I've ever read, and I'm sick of wondering if altruism is really altruistic. So what do I do now? Become a professor and hope that someday someone else'll figure it out.
I guess though, I'm still hoping that this area of research is important, but I also hope that I'm not just being naive.
It's funny. In so many ways, I have come to love the U.S. more, and come to hate it in other ways. I miss functioning roads and sidewalks, men who don't grab my wrist on the street, drinkable tap water, public restrooms, women's rights, wifi, general INFASTRUCTURE! I can't really say that I hate certain international policies anymore than I already did, but I HATE the ultra-consumer culture and my god I feel like I need to dread my hair and sell all my shit and move out to the forest when I say that, but that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say that my siblins loves watching all those disgusting Disney channel shows about those sickening rich kids with enough crap to satisify whole cities of children for years! And then I HATE that my siblings think that that's my life. You have no idea how much discussion there was before my family believed that I don't live like that. Which brings me to my next problem: the way the West if portrayed in media here. At the same time, I am equally disgusted by how Africa is portrayed in Western media. It's all genocide and jungle and desert and big animals and AIDS and soccer. Oh and that stupid Akon music video, serious sensationalism.
I don't hate the U.S. though. I love that I can come here, and than spend a month and half traveling around Europe with my boyfriend. God I miss Julian. And I love that we split the price on most everything, and that I live with him but that it's not necessarily expected that we'll get married someday, and that I don't have to cook him dinner everynight, that he cooks for me a lot.
Sometimes, the way women are treated here makes me sick. But again, who am I to say that. Some of my opinions about cultural relativism are falling by the way side. Somethings just are not okay in my book. But so what? I feel like that, big deal. What am I gonna fly in, some, "liberated american woman" come to free the "repressed cameroonian women"? Give me a big fat ethno-centric break.
I feel like my thoughts wind round and round and I'm worried that I'm going to stop sleeping at night.
Ah, I feel better about that rant.
I have just 9 more days here (AH!) which means 9 more days to finish my research and crap out a 40 page essay about it all. Hah, I really wish I had brought my computer.
Alright, time to actually go do some work. I think I may include much of that rant in my paper, actually.
Bye guys!
Actually, before I leave, I just want to say that I'm really happy and having a really good time. I worry that my blog may imply that I am only angry and frustrated here, which is not true. Just some of the times. And only in ideas, really.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
TRAIN!
So 14 days, 200 photographs, and about 5 extra pounds later, I'm leaving Ngaoundere. It's not that I'm not excited to go back to Dschang (I'm so excited!), I just really love this town, and my family here. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be coming back some day.
Also, we get to take the train today! I don't think I really wrote about that rediculous 18 hour long experience, but it involved little baggies of whiskey, bunk beds, and open window--a train quality that I have not experienced in the states (stupid safety precautions).
That's actually all I have to say! BYE!
Also, we get to take the train today! I don't think I really wrote about that rediculous 18 hour long experience, but it involved little baggies of whiskey, bunk beds, and open window--a train quality that I have not experienced in the states (stupid safety precautions).
That's actually all I have to say! BYE!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
ew shwweeeeaaattty
Ngaoundere!
I can't explain how refreshing it is to be in an area that is more influenced by Arab culture than US culture. I mean this in two ways: I don't know why it's so refreshing, and that it's really really nice.
Ngaoundere is just prettier too. The boulevard is wide, with a median with plants in it, and there are trees lining the road. Also, there's a mountain here, and I climbed it today! Actually, the people who tried to lead us down had no idea where the trail was, and we ended up climbing all the way down one mountain and then back up and over another. See the thing was, I totally knew that we were going in the wrong direction, but no one would listen to me! They would just angrily tell me to descende! I mean, it was still pretty cool being stuck on a giant rock in the middle of the Sahel, I just didn't appreciate the double mountain thing.
I think I just get tired of people telling me what to do. Especially men. Like when I was playing pool at a bar by my house in Yaounde right before I left, and these guys kept on telling me to take certain shots, and I'd be like, "no, that's a dumb shot, I'm going to scratch, I want to make this shot" and they'd literally grab my que stick and mimic what I was supposed to do. I just felt like yelling, "My french isn't THAT bad! And I know how to play pool even if I am a woman! That's just a dumb shot!"
Anywho, more about Ngaoundere. This is a predominantly muslim area, right on the Sahel (the half way point between Sahara and jungle, or savanah in other words. My host mother is 28, has never been to school a day in her life, got married when she was 15 and has 4 kids. Chris is 28. Enough said.
I love my family here too. I've just been so lucky with homestay families, some how. Here my father is always laughing and smiling and wavy and trying to speak English with me. I have this almost 2 year old brother, who can speak pretty decent Fulfude. He just runs around naked and looks at me and giggles a lot. I have no idea what to do with that. I pick him up and toss him around a lot, and that seems to get a good reaction. But I'm actually kind of scared of doing taht because he hardly ever wears a diaper and just goes wherever whenever he has too...
I should also mention that people speak Fulfulde here more than they speak French. Which is really nice in the way that I'm not always expected to understand the converstation, and really difficult in the way that sometimes I'll in a big group of people, all of whom are speak Fulfulde, and then someone will talk and say to me in french, "why aren't you talking?" and then I'll respond "because you're all speaking fulfulde..." and then everyone will laugh and keep on talking in a language that I can't speak. Hahah, oh well.
If I've learned anything from this trip, it's that you best be used to people laughing at you all the time if you're a white person who wants to go to subsaharan Africa (ok, that may be an exaggeration, I've learned lots of other stuff).
OK, stop. Julian brought to my attention that I did not mention a very important thing about my experience here:people LOVE TV. I watch more TV here than I ever have before in my life. In yaounde I watch a lot of MTV with my siblings, and news with my parents, and in Dschang and Ngaoundere I watch a lot of latin american soap operas, dubbed in French. Also, I accidently put the italics on, and now the ctrl key is deciding not to work, so I can't take it off.
Right now, it is actually just me and my friend Jane here in Ngaoundere, as the rest of the group has gone to Marou to Waza State Park. That sounded really cool, but it was also kind of expensive, and I feel like I came here to meet people and to learn, not to do really touristy things like go on safari. I guess I'm only really gaining 3 days, but when all you have is 2 weeks, that feels like a lot.
Ok, I should go soon, but I really want to explain my bike adventre, aka one of the coolest things I have yet done here.
So the other day I was walking to my dad's store to buy water with my sister/aunt/cousin/I have no idea how we're related but we live next to eachother and we're the same age. She saw a bike and said something obsure like, "look a bike!" Naturally I answered, "oh no way I love bikes! I have one at home and I ride it everywhere! I miss my bike!" She then said that she would ask if I could ride it. I kind of just assumed that I didn't understand her french, but after we talked with my host dad for a little, she turned to one of his workers and started speaking in Fulfulde. At this point I was standing by the door, looking confused as usual. Suddenly, her, the worker and everyone else in the store turned to me and started laughing. Since I'm used to that, I just laughed and shrugged my shoulders in response. Then she grabbed me hand and told me to get on the bike and ride it through our compound. I should pause to explain our neighborhood first. We live off a dirt road, and down a winding dirt path between concrete walls, and mud-brick houses. This is where I was riding the rickety old bike with half a peddle missing, giggling hysterically and kicking up dust in my wake. Eventually, people started coming out to look at the crazy nasada (white person), but were still being relatively calm about the spectacle. After a few passes through the neighborhood my sister/aunt/cousin person told me to let her ride. I got off and rested against a wall with a few of her older sisters and watched her careen out of sight. A few moments passed before I started to hear a roar or voices. The roar started to get louder and louder and before I could even see my sisterauntcousin I realized the roar was CHILDREN! Suddenly, she burst around the corner with her coverings flapping wildly behind her, followed by at least 15 children screaming and laughing and chasing after her, kicking up a massage cloud of orange dust. Laughing and yellin herself, she told me to get back on, and unsure of what was going to happen, but undeniably excited, I hopped back on. At this point tons of tiny hands started pushed the bike around the bend and up onto the street. I realized my 11 brother was one of the children pushing me, so I turned around and yelled "tu veux montrer?!" and suddenly he yelled "je suis ici!" and when I looked again he was already sitting on the back rack. This mayhem continued on for quite some time. Sometimes I would be peddaling with my auntsistercousin on the back, or vise versa, and then I would give it to my brother, and then all the kids would fight over who got to ride, and then someone would take off down the path and everyone would chase after him or her, screaming and laughing the whole time. At once point I have my 6 year old sister on my back, and was sprinting through the cloud of dust after bike. Since then there's been one other bike adventure, which was no less crazy than the first.
I think that perhaps the most beautiful thing I've seen here, is my auntcousinsister emerging around the corner with her scarf flapping behind her, exposing the tiny tanktop underneath, yelling as she peddals away from a horde of screaming children, and the whole scene engulfed in dust.
Alright,
I have written an absurd amount. I think I'll go to the market now, or go play some games with my siblings.
Oh but quick, I got henna here and it looks so cool! It's black instead of brown, because well, brown wouldn't really show up on people's skin here, but black on my white-ass skin is a bit shocking! Either way, I like the way it looks, and I wish that it wasn't temporary! I'll get some pictures of it up soon.
Bye guys!
Love y'all!
P.S.
it's really hot, hence the title of this blog.
I can't explain how refreshing it is to be in an area that is more influenced by Arab culture than US culture. I mean this in two ways: I don't know why it's so refreshing, and that it's really really nice.
Ngaoundere is just prettier too. The boulevard is wide, with a median with plants in it, and there are trees lining the road. Also, there's a mountain here, and I climbed it today! Actually, the people who tried to lead us down had no idea where the trail was, and we ended up climbing all the way down one mountain and then back up and over another. See the thing was, I totally knew that we were going in the wrong direction, but no one would listen to me! They would just angrily tell me to descende! I mean, it was still pretty cool being stuck on a giant rock in the middle of the Sahel, I just didn't appreciate the double mountain thing.
I think I just get tired of people telling me what to do. Especially men. Like when I was playing pool at a bar by my house in Yaounde right before I left, and these guys kept on telling me to take certain shots, and I'd be like, "no, that's a dumb shot, I'm going to scratch, I want to make this shot" and they'd literally grab my que stick and mimic what I was supposed to do. I just felt like yelling, "My french isn't THAT bad! And I know how to play pool even if I am a woman! That's just a dumb shot!"
Anywho, more about Ngaoundere. This is a predominantly muslim area, right on the Sahel (the half way point between Sahara and jungle, or savanah in other words. My host mother is 28, has never been to school a day in her life, got married when she was 15 and has 4 kids. Chris is 28. Enough said.
I love my family here too. I've just been so lucky with homestay families, some how. Here my father is always laughing and smiling and wavy and trying to speak English with me. I have this almost 2 year old brother, who can speak pretty decent Fulfude. He just runs around naked and looks at me and giggles a lot. I have no idea what to do with that. I pick him up and toss him around a lot, and that seems to get a good reaction. But I'm actually kind of scared of doing taht because he hardly ever wears a diaper and just goes wherever whenever he has too...
I should also mention that people speak Fulfulde here more than they speak French. Which is really nice in the way that I'm not always expected to understand the converstation, and really difficult in the way that sometimes I'll in a big group of people, all of whom are speak Fulfulde, and then someone will talk and say to me in french, "why aren't you talking?" and then I'll respond "because you're all speaking fulfulde..." and then everyone will laugh and keep on talking in a language that I can't speak. Hahah, oh well.
If I've learned anything from this trip, it's that you best be used to people laughing at you all the time if you're a white person who wants to go to subsaharan Africa (ok, that may be an exaggeration, I've learned lots of other stuff).
OK, stop. Julian brought to my attention that I did not mention a very important thing about my experience here:people LOVE TV. I watch more TV here than I ever have before in my life. In yaounde I watch a lot of MTV with my siblings, and news with my parents, and in Dschang and Ngaoundere I watch a lot of latin american soap operas, dubbed in French. Also, I accidently put the italics on, and now the ctrl key is deciding not to work, so I can't take it off.
Right now, it is actually just me and my friend Jane here in Ngaoundere, as the rest of the group has gone to Marou to Waza State Park. That sounded really cool, but it was also kind of expensive, and I feel like I came here to meet people and to learn, not to do really touristy things like go on safari. I guess I'm only really gaining 3 days, but when all you have is 2 weeks, that feels like a lot.
Ok, I should go soon, but I really want to explain my bike adventre, aka one of the coolest things I have yet done here.
So the other day I was walking to my dad's store to buy water with my sister/aunt/cousin/I have no idea how we're related but we live next to eachother and we're the same age. She saw a bike and said something obsure like, "look a bike!" Naturally I answered, "oh no way I love bikes! I have one at home and I ride it everywhere! I miss my bike!" She then said that she would ask if I could ride it. I kind of just assumed that I didn't understand her french, but after we talked with my host dad for a little, she turned to one of his workers and started speaking in Fulfulde. At this point I was standing by the door, looking confused as usual. Suddenly, her, the worker and everyone else in the store turned to me and started laughing. Since I'm used to that, I just laughed and shrugged my shoulders in response. Then she grabbed me hand and told me to get on the bike and ride it through our compound. I should pause to explain our neighborhood first. We live off a dirt road, and down a winding dirt path between concrete walls, and mud-brick houses. This is where I was riding the rickety old bike with half a peddle missing, giggling hysterically and kicking up dust in my wake. Eventually, people started coming out to look at the crazy nasada (white person), but were still being relatively calm about the spectacle. After a few passes through the neighborhood my sister/aunt/cousin person told me to let her ride. I got off and rested against a wall with a few of her older sisters and watched her careen out of sight. A few moments passed before I started to hear a roar or voices. The roar started to get louder and louder and before I could even see my sisterauntcousin I realized the roar was CHILDREN! Suddenly, she burst around the corner with her coverings flapping wildly behind her, followed by at least 15 children screaming and laughing and chasing after her, kicking up a massage cloud of orange dust. Laughing and yellin herself, she told me to get back on, and unsure of what was going to happen, but undeniably excited, I hopped back on. At this point tons of tiny hands started pushed the bike around the bend and up onto the street. I realized my 11 brother was one of the children pushing me, so I turned around and yelled "tu veux montrer?!" and suddenly he yelled "je suis ici!" and when I looked again he was already sitting on the back rack. This mayhem continued on for quite some time. Sometimes I would be peddaling with my auntsistercousin on the back, or vise versa, and then I would give it to my brother, and then all the kids would fight over who got to ride, and then someone would take off down the path and everyone would chase after him or her, screaming and laughing the whole time. At once point I have my 6 year old sister on my back, and was sprinting through the cloud of dust after bike. Since then there's been one other bike adventure, which was no less crazy than the first.
I think that perhaps the most beautiful thing I've seen here, is my auntcousinsister emerging around the corner with her scarf flapping behind her, exposing the tiny tanktop underneath, yelling as she peddals away from a horde of screaming children, and the whole scene engulfed in dust.
Alright,
I have written an absurd amount. I think I'll go to the market now, or go play some games with my siblings.
Oh but quick, I got henna here and it looks so cool! It's black instead of brown, because well, brown wouldn't really show up on people's skin here, but black on my white-ass skin is a bit shocking! Either way, I like the way it looks, and I wish that it wasn't temporary! I'll get some pictures of it up soon.
Bye guys!
Love y'all!
P.S.
it's really hot, hence the title of this blog.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
ca va aller
Hello all, sorry that I have not written for awhile. Time is flying here, and I just needed a break from so much internet.
Here's a picture of me trying to help my sister mop the floors. I thought mom would appreciate this, hah! So mopping the floors here is one of the most physically difficult jobs I've ever done. You take a bucket of water, and a rag, and after soaping up the rag you run it over the floor using your hands. Then you have to dunk the rag in the bucket and ring it out, and then go over the floor again. Then you have to ring out as much as the water as possible (which took me like a minute and Michelle like 15 seconds), and go over the floor again to dry it! I was sweating bullets after that. My family thought it was hilarious, which in their defence, it kind of was.
"Ca va aller" is my favorite cameroonisme so far, although it may be said in other french speaking countries, I don't know. I hear it here all the time though, and I just like what it means. Essentially, it's "don't worry, things'll be fine." It just reminds me so much of what my mom often says to me back home, that when I hear it here, I am instantly comforted.We're in our third week back in Yaounde--on Saturday we go to Ngaoundere. We're taking the train, which I was very excited about before someone told me something about "de-railing" problems...but I'm sure we'll be fine. The train really can't be more dangerous than taking a cab here, or even just trying to cross the street. After two weeks in Ngaoundere we start our independent research which mean that I really gotta get my shit together! It's just so hard to choose a topic when there are so many interesting things happening here. Today I went talk to an ICRAF office here (forget what it stands for but it works with agroforesty internationally) about working with them for a month. As cool as that would be, it would probably be pretty expensive, and I don't know that I want to work with an international organization. I think I'd prefer to work with something that is more grassroots, but who knows. It looks like I'll probably end up in Dschang working with a GIC (groupement initiative commune) that works with men and women who practice agriculture in Foto, an arrondisement of Dschang. I would love to return to Dschang, and I'd like to do something with urban farming, but I'm just so indecisive!
Also, after visiting Kribi, I would really like to do something there. Specifically, I'd like to study the environemental impacts of the Chad-Cameroonian pipeline, or see if there's an NGO or ANYTHING that I can partner with there. It was just so beautiful to only spend a weekend there.
Ok, so Kribi is a small tourist town in the South region. The beautiful coastline is only marred be the oil tankards, and an oil drill with a flame that burns like the eye of sauron during the night!
We stayed in a hotel literally on the beach, and I would be lieing if I said that I even tried to explore the town.
Let's see, what else...
I want to explain my Yaounde family a bit. First of all, I finally figured out who's who in my family maybe a week ago. My parents got married a few years ago. The oldest daughter is the daughter of my father from a different woman. My 10 year old sister is actually an orphan whose father had been a friend of my father, so he took her in a few years ago. My 9 year old brother is also an orphan who is a cousin, and was also taken in a few years ago. My youngest brother is the son of my mother with a man who died. She has another son who lives in the village with her mother. See, I just had no idea about any of this until I finally just straight out asked my mother. Also, my mother is a primary school teacher, and she teaches one class of 66 8-9 year olds. 66! And she's the only teacher, all day. No wonder her voice is always so horse, I'm sure she's just constantly screaming at 66 energetic children.
My father is a highschool teacher and while he doesn't have to control 66 little kids, he has 4 classes, the smallest having abotu 50 students, and the biggest having more than 100. And he's the only grader. I have no idea how these people work like this, but I really admire it.
Alright, I should really go force myself to do some school work.
A tout à l'heure!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
a bi camille, and a wan chop some fine puff puff
I just tried to say I'm Camille, and I want to eat good beignets in Pidgin.
I am back in Yaounde now, we got in sometime on Sunday afternoon after spending a weekend in Bamenda. Bamenda is crazy and enormous and full of english, or something similair to it. What I mean is that Bamenda is anglophone, but for the most part people speak pidgin english, which I can maybe understand a few words of. Pidgin is the most widely spoken language in Cameroon actually, so I few friends and family members taught me some of the language before I went to Bamenda, and we even had a full class devoted it it, but it really did me no good. I didn't really at all get a feel for Bamenda since we didn't live with host families, and only spend about 3 days there. We did get to meet some very interesting political figures, including John Fru Ndi, the head of the main opposition party, and a member of the SNCN, the anglphone successionist party. Then some of us went out to a bar with John Fru Ndi's son (when will I ever again be able to say that I drank beers with the son of the president of the main opposition party??).
I should probably backtrack a bit to Dschang. I really love it there. It felt more fimilair, and I just generally feel more comfortable in smaller towns. I told my host mother in Yaounde that I'll probably return to Dschang for my month of research and she got very sad. I'm also the first out of 4 students who hasn't decided to stay in Yaounde. I just feel more comfortable in Dschang, and as I'll want to do something with the environment, I really can't stay in Yaounde, because there's not a whole lot of environment here...
I'm starting to get really busy with school. I keep on forgetting that this program is actually pretty academic, all I want to do is run around and explore these cities and hang out with my host families. I should be working on transcribing a handfull of interviews I did about ethnicities, but I needed a break! It's so fricking complicated, all the groups and sub groups and etc, especially when my interviews are all conducted in French.
Tomorrow we start the organization visits! For the next two weeks we'll be running around Yaounde talking to reps from the peace corps, afriland bank, the world bank, and so many more.
Then after two weeks we head to Kribi, to SWIM IN THE OCEAN! gah I can't wait. Also though, we get to meet Pygmies, which is equally as exciting.
Sorry it's kind of a short post, but I've got to run. Me and a few others are going to try and find an electronics store, woohoo!
Also, I had to go the hospital again because my ring worm came back, hahahaha. I don't know what the french word for that is.
Ok, and I can't remember if I told these stories already, but I want to say them before I forget incase I didn't already say: I got trapped in the bathroom one night, and I peed in a sacred woman cave another day. BYAH!
hahah, ok I love y'all!
I am back in Yaounde now, we got in sometime on Sunday afternoon after spending a weekend in Bamenda. Bamenda is crazy and enormous and full of english, or something similair to it. What I mean is that Bamenda is anglophone, but for the most part people speak pidgin english, which I can maybe understand a few words of. Pidgin is the most widely spoken language in Cameroon actually, so I few friends and family members taught me some of the language before I went to Bamenda, and we even had a full class devoted it it, but it really did me no good. I didn't really at all get a feel for Bamenda since we didn't live with host families, and only spend about 3 days there. We did get to meet some very interesting political figures, including John Fru Ndi, the head of the main opposition party, and a member of the SNCN, the anglphone successionist party. Then some of us went out to a bar with John Fru Ndi's son (when will I ever again be able to say that I drank beers with the son of the president of the main opposition party??).
I should probably backtrack a bit to Dschang. I really love it there. It felt more fimilair, and I just generally feel more comfortable in smaller towns. I told my host mother in Yaounde that I'll probably return to Dschang for my month of research and she got very sad. I'm also the first out of 4 students who hasn't decided to stay in Yaounde. I just feel more comfortable in Dschang, and as I'll want to do something with the environment, I really can't stay in Yaounde, because there's not a whole lot of environment here...
I'm starting to get really busy with school. I keep on forgetting that this program is actually pretty academic, all I want to do is run around and explore these cities and hang out with my host families. I should be working on transcribing a handfull of interviews I did about ethnicities, but I needed a break! It's so fricking complicated, all the groups and sub groups and etc, especially when my interviews are all conducted in French.
Tomorrow we start the organization visits! For the next two weeks we'll be running around Yaounde talking to reps from the peace corps, afriland bank, the world bank, and so many more.
Then after two weeks we head to Kribi, to SWIM IN THE OCEAN! gah I can't wait. Also though, we get to meet Pygmies, which is equally as exciting.
Sorry it's kind of a short post, but I've got to run. Me and a few others are going to try and find an electronics store, woohoo!
Also, I had to go the hospital again because my ring worm came back, hahahaha. I don't know what the french word for that is.
Ok, and I can't remember if I told these stories already, but I want to say them before I forget incase I didn't already say: I got trapped in the bathroom one night, and I peed in a sacred woman cave another day. BYAH!
hahah, ok I love y'all!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Dschang: Cameroon's Version of Ashland
Hello! Sorry it's been awhile. Internet is not nearly as good here, and I feel like I'm constantly doing more things. I don't have a whole lot of time, so I'll rush through this update!
We got here last Saturday and stayed the night at a pretty darn high class hotel. We also went out to a night club together, yes all 19 of us. Before then we had a decent group bonding sess over plenty of mixed drinks, and even got roudy enough for the hotel manager to call us and polity ask us in french to please shut up. The night club was fun but a bit much for me. I was literally running from at least 5 different men throughout the night. That's really not an exaggeration.
On sunday after about 4 hours of sleep and however many whiskey and cokes later, I woke up and was dropped off with my new family who is AWESOME. This time I'm with two parents, a 14 year old girl, 16 year old boy, an 18 year old boy, a 25 year old girl, and another older brother (well he's actually a cousin), and I can't remember how old his is. I also share a room with my 25 year old sister, which is prooving to be a very great thing. We often stay up late talking about boys and clothes and dancing and just classic girl sleep over stuff! It's really fantastic.
One note, there are a lot more cockroaches at my house here. I'm ok with it for the most part, but sometimes this crawl into my school bag and then I don't know they're there until I'm trying to get somtehing out and there's a giant cockroache crawling up my arm. And I accidentally stepped on one without any shoes on one night, and it survived!
Here, instead of cabs (there are a few cabs, but not many and they're always full), people just pile on to moto-taxis, aka motorcycle taxis. I literally saw 4 primary school children on one today: two infront of the driver, and two behind. It was probably the cutest, albeit most dangerous thing i've seen. The kids could not have been older than 6. Who put them on that moto??
I live up on the top of a hill, which I reach after walking by this little lake. Everyday I walk by the lake, and accross the dam. It's beautiful, and a nice change from the pace of the big city. I think that I may stay here for my research. There are literally urban farms everywhere. Today I went on a mad hunt to find the director the city agricultural department to see if he could hook me up with these groups of female farmers, and three failed attempts later I only found a phone number, hah, but it's a start! Also I emailed this program called Trees for the Future and said, " hey, i live in cameroon right now and I want to plant some trees with you guys," and I just got an email back from them! I don't know if that'd work out, but that would be very cool too. Pretty much, whatever I do, I want it to be very hands on.
It's so hard to do work here. Everyday I go home and hang out with my dad or one of my siblings and then at night the electricity is usually cut, and I'm too tired to do work anyways so I just go to bed. Two things about that: all the children in my family are very very smart and studious, but also really attractive and funny. I can't lie, they may be a little too cool for me. I love them though. The other thing is that water and electricity or cut way more often than in Yaounde. The electricity is really the fault of an american company which bought Cameroon's electricity after Biya agreed ti accept the conditions of the IMF's SAP. And then Morroco bought the water here. People go months and months without any running water. I don't know how that's possible in the city, in the poorer parts of Yaounde. Also, the electricy here goes out on average at least once a day.
For as much as I love Dschang, I miss my family in Yaounde. I miss the little 'uns! And Michelle teaching me go to cook and clean. And I miss my parents there, a lot. But I am moving back in just a week.
I feel my french improving every day, even if it's still really hard for me to understand people most of the time. Also, I'd really like to make more Cameroonian friends, but the only people who seem to want to talk to me are guys, and it's just not as common for boys and girls to have totally plutonic relationships here. And I may or may not have exchanged numbers with one of the mayor's sons. Either he was lieing, or I totally misunderstood him...
Also, I am really sorry to anyone that I haven't personally responded to. Also, my phone SUCKS! Sorry mom, but it does, and I am buying a new once in the next few days. Julian, I can't remember if I told you this, but as soon as I have a new phone I'll call you! Same to you mom and dad! Sorry this is so hard. Time is also just flying here. I can't believe that it's already been almost a month!
Oh, and Julian! I forgot to write this and I dont have enough time to email you again but my dream sack keeps me more than warm enough! Don't bring a sleeping bag! Also, there's this thing here called tartina (from the verb to spread), and it's like delicious chocolatey goodness. Ima buy a huge tub for our travels, because it's uber cheap!
Ah! I want to say too that we hung out at a chefferie the other day and we danced with a King! Granted there's a bunch of chefferies and there's only like 2,000 in batoufam, but still. We had to refer to him at majesty, and when people wanted to talk to him they have to do this hand clap thing and then only approach him when bent over and then talk into their hands, instead of directly too him. And we danced with him!
Ok, time to actually do some work. Me and this girls Alex are doing a smaller research project on female professers in Yaounde and Dschang and their status at the university, and how they balance their career with responsibilities at home. We've gotta print out some surveys to hand out!
Bye!
I love you guys!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Dschang tomorrow
Ok, I only have a few minutes so it's a short one.
Things here are going really well though. The language barrier is still hard, but always getting better. School is actually more intense than I anticipated but so far I'm getting everything done. I have to conduct three interviews with different people about their ethnicity though, and it's causing me a lot of grief. I just don't like the idea of walking up to a random person and trying to say in my barely decent french, "Hello, I am doing a project for school, can I ask you about your ethnicity?" gah! The thing is, I have to do two before we leave for Dschang tomorrow, because almost everyone there is Bamilike. Hah, which gives me about 2 hours, ahahahaah. Woops.
Anywho, tomorrow we move to Dschang for two weeks (another host family!) and then we go back to yaounde for two weeks, and then we move to Ngaoundere for another 2 weeks, and then we're on our own for a month to do independent research. I still am not sure of what I want to do, but I've been trying to e-mail NGOs here. I found a program that plants trees in forested regions to combat deforestation, so I think it'd be cool to shadow them! I also discovered that we can do creative projects, like I could learn how to make drums or something. There's just too many options.
Did I explain cabs here? I feel like people'd appreciate it. So these crazy little yellow cars just zoom around everywhere honking at people on the side of the rode. If one honks at you and you want a ride, you scream some landmark close to where you want to go, and if he can take you there he honks again and you hope in. It costs 200 cefa to go most places around yaounde (roughly 40 cents). Also, the drivers try to fit in as many people as possible, so I make sure to avoid the front seat so I don't end up with a stranger sitting on my lap. I also think that I've seen maybe 2 stop lights, and those were only in the craziest intersections of centre ville.
Oh! Really quick, yesterday was the fete de jeunesse parade, which means reps from a bunch of yaoundes school did a huge parade through downtown. Technically about 60 percent of cameroon's population is considered youth (but 35 year olds are youth). I have never seen so many school children in my life though. I took Michelle, my 14 year old sister with me, and we had a lot of fun. We walked home together afterwards and really bonded. Hah, her dad is a teacher at the same high school as her, sound familiar? I can't believe the education system here. All the schools are bursting at the seems. So many people are able to go to school, but the schools aren't able to support them. We hung out at Yaounde 1, one of the universities, and it was the same deal. Each lecture class has hundreds of students in it.
I think my time is about up, so I'm going to go before I get signed off.
Also, I'll try to get a picture of me doing laundry, because I think some of you would think it's funny. I'll try to upload pictures soon too, I just haven't had time yet.
I can't believe three weeks has already gone by...
I'm having a blast, but I am also really excited that it's going by quickly, because that just means I'll get to see Julian sooner!
Bye guys!
Love y'all!
Things here are going really well though. The language barrier is still hard, but always getting better. School is actually more intense than I anticipated but so far I'm getting everything done. I have to conduct three interviews with different people about their ethnicity though, and it's causing me a lot of grief. I just don't like the idea of walking up to a random person and trying to say in my barely decent french, "Hello, I am doing a project for school, can I ask you about your ethnicity?" gah! The thing is, I have to do two before we leave for Dschang tomorrow, because almost everyone there is Bamilike. Hah, which gives me about 2 hours, ahahahaah. Woops.
Anywho, tomorrow we move to Dschang for two weeks (another host family!) and then we go back to yaounde for two weeks, and then we move to Ngaoundere for another 2 weeks, and then we're on our own for a month to do independent research. I still am not sure of what I want to do, but I've been trying to e-mail NGOs here. I found a program that plants trees in forested regions to combat deforestation, so I think it'd be cool to shadow them! I also discovered that we can do creative projects, like I could learn how to make drums or something. There's just too many options.
Did I explain cabs here? I feel like people'd appreciate it. So these crazy little yellow cars just zoom around everywhere honking at people on the side of the rode. If one honks at you and you want a ride, you scream some landmark close to where you want to go, and if he can take you there he honks again and you hope in. It costs 200 cefa to go most places around yaounde (roughly 40 cents). Also, the drivers try to fit in as many people as possible, so I make sure to avoid the front seat so I don't end up with a stranger sitting on my lap. I also think that I've seen maybe 2 stop lights, and those were only in the craziest intersections of centre ville.
Oh! Really quick, yesterday was the fete de jeunesse parade, which means reps from a bunch of yaoundes school did a huge parade through downtown. Technically about 60 percent of cameroon's population is considered youth (but 35 year olds are youth). I have never seen so many school children in my life though. I took Michelle, my 14 year old sister with me, and we had a lot of fun. We walked home together afterwards and really bonded. Hah, her dad is a teacher at the same high school as her, sound familiar? I can't believe the education system here. All the schools are bursting at the seems. So many people are able to go to school, but the schools aren't able to support them. We hung out at Yaounde 1, one of the universities, and it was the same deal. Each lecture class has hundreds of students in it.
I think my time is about up, so I'm going to go before I get signed off.
Also, I'll try to get a picture of me doing laundry, because I think some of you would think it's funny. I'll try to upload pictures soon too, I just haven't had time yet.
I can't believe three weeks has already gone by...
I'm having a blast, but I am also really excited that it's going by quickly, because that just means I'll get to see Julian sooner!
Bye guys!
Love y'all!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
This weekend has been a roller coaster of emotion!
Friday was the best day that I've had here. I don't even remember what we did in school, but after school me, Libby and Courteney (two of my classmates) went and hung out at this open air bar and shared a Top (a soda drink here), and hung out for awhile. Then we stopped by my place so that I could change and gather my three youngest siblings, then we walked around a little, and end up playing this crazy game of soccer with like 20 kids in the street infront of Courtneys house. I was thinking about what I would have been doing in the states in about 6 or 630 on a friday, and I would probably either be getting off work, and going to buy beer. Instead, I played soccer with a bunch of tiny crazy cameroonians! I think it was a big breakthrough with my siblings too, I think they like me a lot more now. Then that night, I forgot that I had a dress coming for me (I cant remember if I explained that my host mother's sister is a dress maker and that she fitted me and made me a dress), and so when mamas nephew brought it by it was a great surprise! Then I helped make dinner, read and went to sleep.
Saturday was great for the most part. First we went on an exursion to an art school, and then we went to the Gorilla Sanctuary. I can't remember the name now, but it's a national park. The whole place kind of looked like Jurassic park, but with giant gorrilas and chimps and baboons rather than dinosaurs.
That night, my emotions kind of crashed down around me. I think I was just tired, and frustrated with my language skills, and missing Julian a lot, but I sort of deflated. I was going to out with some american friends and some cameroonian classmates (don't get excited, there are only 3), but I decided that it was a good idea to just spend some time alone with my thoughts, and get a good nights sleep. It's easy to fee like I'm constantly running, I forget that I have to slow down and relax and reflect sometimes.
This morning was much better. I woke up around 7, did some housework, and then introduce Jorham (the youngest) to my digital camera. The created about 2 hours of excitement with him and the rest of the family as we ran around taking pictures of everything and eachother, and I desperately tried to keep the camera from falling out of his tiny hands. Then I played a type of word game with the four kids for awhile, and then ate lunch and came back to this internet cafe!
Also, it rained today, thank god. It's like 10 degress cooler now, and a little less dusty, but it's still pretty warm.
It's funny, I can elequently explain my views on things like globalization in french, but when I have to talk about my day, it's like I forget everything. Hah, oh well, I'm getting there. I can feel my language improving, and I'm starting to get the hang of the accent.
Okay, I suppose that's all for now. I miss all of yall tons!
Friday was the best day that I've had here. I don't even remember what we did in school, but after school me, Libby and Courteney (two of my classmates) went and hung out at this open air bar and shared a Top (a soda drink here), and hung out for awhile. Then we stopped by my place so that I could change and gather my three youngest siblings, then we walked around a little, and end up playing this crazy game of soccer with like 20 kids in the street infront of Courtneys house. I was thinking about what I would have been doing in the states in about 6 or 630 on a friday, and I would probably either be getting off work, and going to buy beer. Instead, I played soccer with a bunch of tiny crazy cameroonians! I think it was a big breakthrough with my siblings too, I think they like me a lot more now. Then that night, I forgot that I had a dress coming for me (I cant remember if I explained that my host mother's sister is a dress maker and that she fitted me and made me a dress), and so when mamas nephew brought it by it was a great surprise! Then I helped make dinner, read and went to sleep.
Saturday was great for the most part. First we went on an exursion to an art school, and then we went to the Gorilla Sanctuary. I can't remember the name now, but it's a national park. The whole place kind of looked like Jurassic park, but with giant gorrilas and chimps and baboons rather than dinosaurs.
That night, my emotions kind of crashed down around me. I think I was just tired, and frustrated with my language skills, and missing Julian a lot, but I sort of deflated. I was going to out with some american friends and some cameroonian classmates (don't get excited, there are only 3), but I decided that it was a good idea to just spend some time alone with my thoughts, and get a good nights sleep. It's easy to fee like I'm constantly running, I forget that I have to slow down and relax and reflect sometimes.
This morning was much better. I woke up around 7, did some housework, and then introduce Jorham (the youngest) to my digital camera. The created about 2 hours of excitement with him and the rest of the family as we ran around taking pictures of everything and eachother, and I desperately tried to keep the camera from falling out of his tiny hands. Then I played a type of word game with the four kids for awhile, and then ate lunch and came back to this internet cafe!
Also, it rained today, thank god. It's like 10 degress cooler now, and a little less dusty, but it's still pretty warm.
It's funny, I can elequently explain my views on things like globalization in french, but when I have to talk about my day, it's like I forget everything. Hah, oh well, I'm getting there. I can feel my language improving, and I'm starting to get the hang of the accent.
Okay, I suppose that's all for now. I miss all of yall tons!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
A day in the life
Did I write about doing my laundry by hand? I feel like some of you would appreciate the image. We wash the laundry, and shoes and children, outside. Behind our concrete house is a sort of concrete platform with a sort of moat the water drains through. You take a bucket of water, put your clothes in, scrub them up with a bar of soap, maybe slap them against stone for awhile, then dunk them into a bucket of fresh water, ring, and hang out to try! This, I am not so good at. At least not as good as I am at washing dishes.
Michelle and Aisi (the older younger brother), had a great laugh at my expence when they found me trying to shoo a giant cockroache out of my room. Somehow I flipped it onto its back, and then couldn't figure out how to get it past the door frame! Michelle just took her flip flop and knocked it like a hockey puck down the hall and out the kitchen door.
Also, I have to warn everyone that I am probably going to come back about 20 pounds heavier. I told my host mother that I was going to get fat, and she just laughed at told me that yes, I was, hahaha. She said people in Cameroon love to share food, and that she wants all my friends and family in the US to know that she took really good care of me!
The most encouraging thing of every day will be when I get home from school around 3 and am bombarded by children who want to give me a hug to welcome me home. I never knew how wonderful that can be.
Here's a glimpse into a normal day for me:
Wake up around 630, get ready for school, eat a breakfast of bread and chocolate and tea, and then walk to class with Sheripha (her school is just a few blocks away from mine). School lasts until 3 but we have an hour and a half for lunch, and a bunch of breaks. After school I usually walk home, chat with the fam for a little, and then spend a few hours in the living room doing work. I always have plenty of company though, which is really wonderful. My parents always have papers to grade, and my brothers and sisters have homework too. All the kids are learning english in school (Michelle is learning german too!), so I sometimes help with their english, and they help with my french. I ususually eat around 7, and then get in bed around 9. The heat just tires me out here! It's been less hot as of late though.
I also think that I now have a better idea of what I want to do my research project on. I think that I want to research human rights laws in Cameroon, and NGOs that work to protect them. One of our professors is a student of human rights, so I am going to ask him for help. He also reminds me a lot of professors I have had at UO, but much more honest. He has a very open hatred of the WB and IMF and thinks that globalizations is really another word for capitalist totalitarianism. His lecture made me want to argue with him, made me want to think, which is awesome! I think I share a lot of his opinions, but with less passion, because then again, the system has obviously worked for me. In the US, I live in a relatively huge house, with a toilet that flushes, a refrigerator, and no cockroaches, amongst other things. Getting a visa to travel here was virtually painless, but getting a visa if you're cameroonian and want to go the US, can be virtually impossible.
Everything about this program is a huge learning experience. It is still often the hardest thing that I have ever done. It's hard always being so visible, hard not really being able to understand the language, hard with the climate and new food, but hey! That's travel for ya.
It's also hard to be here when my heart is with a certain someone back in Oregon. I feel like my heart split in two, and now there's another part growing here. That's a weird analogy, but I don't know how else to explain it. Actually, I just plain don't know how to explain it. I just hope that there are some hugs waiting for me when I get home today.
Ok, that's it for now! Bye guys! Love you all!
Michelle and Aisi (the older younger brother), had a great laugh at my expence when they found me trying to shoo a giant cockroache out of my room. Somehow I flipped it onto its back, and then couldn't figure out how to get it past the door frame! Michelle just took her flip flop and knocked it like a hockey puck down the hall and out the kitchen door.
Also, I have to warn everyone that I am probably going to come back about 20 pounds heavier. I told my host mother that I was going to get fat, and she just laughed at told me that yes, I was, hahaha. She said people in Cameroon love to share food, and that she wants all my friends and family in the US to know that she took really good care of me!
The most encouraging thing of every day will be when I get home from school around 3 and am bombarded by children who want to give me a hug to welcome me home. I never knew how wonderful that can be.
Here's a glimpse into a normal day for me:
Wake up around 630, get ready for school, eat a breakfast of bread and chocolate and tea, and then walk to class with Sheripha (her school is just a few blocks away from mine). School lasts until 3 but we have an hour and a half for lunch, and a bunch of breaks. After school I usually walk home, chat with the fam for a little, and then spend a few hours in the living room doing work. I always have plenty of company though, which is really wonderful. My parents always have papers to grade, and my brothers and sisters have homework too. All the kids are learning english in school (Michelle is learning german too!), so I sometimes help with their english, and they help with my french. I ususually eat around 7, and then get in bed around 9. The heat just tires me out here! It's been less hot as of late though.
I also think that I now have a better idea of what I want to do my research project on. I think that I want to research human rights laws in Cameroon, and NGOs that work to protect them. One of our professors is a student of human rights, so I am going to ask him for help. He also reminds me a lot of professors I have had at UO, but much more honest. He has a very open hatred of the WB and IMF and thinks that globalizations is really another word for capitalist totalitarianism. His lecture made me want to argue with him, made me want to think, which is awesome! I think I share a lot of his opinions, but with less passion, because then again, the system has obviously worked for me. In the US, I live in a relatively huge house, with a toilet that flushes, a refrigerator, and no cockroaches, amongst other things. Getting a visa to travel here was virtually painless, but getting a visa if you're cameroonian and want to go the US, can be virtually impossible.
Everything about this program is a huge learning experience. It is still often the hardest thing that I have ever done. It's hard always being so visible, hard not really being able to understand the language, hard with the climate and new food, but hey! That's travel for ya.
It's also hard to be here when my heart is with a certain someone back in Oregon. I feel like my heart split in two, and now there's another part growing here. That's a weird analogy, but I don't know how else to explain it. Actually, I just plain don't know how to explain it. I just hope that there are some hugs waiting for me when I get home today.
Ok, that's it for now! Bye guys! Love you all!
Monday, February 1, 2010
mbembe kiri
Mbembe kiri is how one says hello in Ewondo, and also the only thing that I remember from an impromptu language lesson with mama. That was another thing that illicited a lot of laughter, when I excitedly asked my host mother to teach me some Ewondo.
It appears that my designated chores will be to do dished, which I am apparently really good at! Hah. That and frying plaintains. Helping out around the house makes me feel instantly like more of the family, but my role is still kind of awkward. The family hierarchy is very different from American families, I don't know where I fit in. I'm sometimes like one of the children, sometimes like one of the adults, but always an outsider. I honestly forget how much I stand out here. I forget until I see another white person and then it's like, "Shit! I stand out THAT much?" Like yesterday I went to two market with my host mother, and only saw one other white person.
Everyone told me that I would be harrassed a lot, but so far the most I've been hit on is by my two little host brothers (yah, the boy that I thought wasnt in my family is, and hes like 7, and jorban is about 5), and only in the way that they giggle and run to tell eachother that I've gotten home. The worst I really get on the street is, "La Blanche! La Blanche!" and the occasional random hand hold.
The weirdest thing about Yaounde so far, is the obsession with American pop culture. Michelle's favorite movie is Hannah Montana, and her favorite musical artist is Lady Gaga. They watch a lot of Disney Channel shows in french, and play a lot of American music videos. Most restaurents and internet cafes have TVs blasting American music too. It's a sign of the times to hear "Party in the US" play on repeat when you live in Sub-Saharan Africa, or to realize that your host siblings know more about contemporary American pop culture than you do.
I spend so much time studying globalization in terms of economy and politics, but I suppose I just didn't really believe how far global culture has spread. Or maybe I should just say American culture.
There's a few random things that I want to explain about Yaounde:
Its called the city of seven hills because it, well, spreads across seven hills. I think it's beautiful, if you can look past the trash and smog.
Crossing your legs is considered an attempt to be superior, and should not be done!
It's totally okay to pick your nose in public, even when you're talking to someone (sweet!)
Randomly smiling at people is bad, because people will think you're fake. It's called the American smile, and it's much better to just say hello.
Yaounde is split into different neighborhoods. I live in Tsinga, which is next to Bastos, which is where our office base is.
NEXT WEEKEND WE GO TO A GORRILA SANCTUARY!
I've gotta go. My time is nearly up, and I should go back home so my family doesn't worry.
Bye!
Oh, and send me some snail mail! My address is on my profile.
It appears that my designated chores will be to do dished, which I am apparently really good at! Hah. That and frying plaintains. Helping out around the house makes me feel instantly like more of the family, but my role is still kind of awkward. The family hierarchy is very different from American families, I don't know where I fit in. I'm sometimes like one of the children, sometimes like one of the adults, but always an outsider. I honestly forget how much I stand out here. I forget until I see another white person and then it's like, "Shit! I stand out THAT much?" Like yesterday I went to two market with my host mother, and only saw one other white person.
Everyone told me that I would be harrassed a lot, but so far the most I've been hit on is by my two little host brothers (yah, the boy that I thought wasnt in my family is, and hes like 7, and jorban is about 5), and only in the way that they giggle and run to tell eachother that I've gotten home. The worst I really get on the street is, "La Blanche! La Blanche!" and the occasional random hand hold.
The weirdest thing about Yaounde so far, is the obsession with American pop culture. Michelle's favorite movie is Hannah Montana, and her favorite musical artist is Lady Gaga. They watch a lot of Disney Channel shows in french, and play a lot of American music videos. Most restaurents and internet cafes have TVs blasting American music too. It's a sign of the times to hear "Party in the US" play on repeat when you live in Sub-Saharan Africa, or to realize that your host siblings know more about contemporary American pop culture than you do.
I spend so much time studying globalization in terms of economy and politics, but I suppose I just didn't really believe how far global culture has spread. Or maybe I should just say American culture.
There's a few random things that I want to explain about Yaounde:
Its called the city of seven hills because it, well, spreads across seven hills. I think it's beautiful, if you can look past the trash and smog.
Crossing your legs is considered an attempt to be superior, and should not be done!
It's totally okay to pick your nose in public, even when you're talking to someone (sweet!)
Randomly smiling at people is bad, because people will think you're fake. It's called the American smile, and it's much better to just say hello.
Yaounde is split into different neighborhoods. I live in Tsinga, which is next to Bastos, which is where our office base is.
NEXT WEEKEND WE GO TO A GORRILA SANCTUARY!
I've gotta go. My time is nearly up, and I should go back home so my family doesn't worry.
Bye!
Oh, and send me some snail mail! My address is on my profile.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Things are looking up
Ok, I realize that my last blog might have been a bit discouraging so I wanted to explain that things are already getting better. Also, we don't have any exursions planned this weekend so I have a little extra free time.
So today, I woke up around 7 am (which is sleeping in), and discovered a maid in our kitchen! But I didn't know if she was a maid or a family member, so I said, "Est-ce que je peux vous aider?" And first she looked at me for a moment and then laughed, and I worried that I had insulted her before she set me up to do all the families dishes for the past few days! I didn't mind though, I've been without a dishwasher before, and I was happy to help. Standards of cleanliness are sooooo different here...it's a good thing that I'm not a very cleanly person.
Everything I do here seems like something worth talking about, worth discussing. I'm going to pick the most uplifting thing that happend to me today, because I only have a few more minutes at this internet cafe (also, it's about $2 for 30 minutes here and it's a really upscale place! Cabs are like $0.40, everythings so cheap!).
So after I did the dishes I showered, ate breakfast, did some reading, and really tried to interact with the maid and my host siblings, but I got so discouraged because I can't follow them at all! Eventually they kind of gave up and started rapidly speaking to eachother again, and I don't blame them, I'm sure I would do the same, and probably have done the same. After awhile I went back into my room to do some homework, which I have a lot more of than I thought I would, and after an hour or so a timid knock comes on my door and the children start spilling in. I have a host sister Michelle, who is 14, Sheripha is 9, there is another girl who is 9 (she wasn't there and I can't remember her name), a little brother who is 6, and this boy who apparently lives there but isn't part of the family and he's 7 I think.
So all of a sudden I have these 4 kids in my room and I have no idea what to do, because as many of you know I am awkward as hell around children. I didn't know what to do so I pulled out my picture book of Oregon and the world map that I brought, and that did the trick. Pretty soon we were talking all about the world and where we wanted to go and how huge the world is and how far I had to travel to get here. Then they taught me a game that's kind of like that hand slapping game that me and Chris used to play, and then I taught them that game! It was really encouraging. Also, Sheripha runs to give me a hug whenever I come home, so that's nice.
It's still hard here. I still miss Julian so much that I could be sick again, and I am constantly confused, and embarrassed (my host siblings are ALWAYS making fun of my french, but I just have to laugh with them), and hot, and sweaty, and smelly. I guess you just get used to it though.
I would also like to say that Cameroonian french is really different from Parisienne french. Once I discovered that I felt less terrible about my french. Also, my host father is missing his front 4 teeth, so he kind of lisps too.
Oh! And the parents are teachers! The mom teachers primary school and the father teachers physics and chemistry in highschool! Mom, I talked to the dad a lot today about his high school. He says he teaches one class but it has 100 students! And he understand when I told him you teach business, but teaching cooking is an ungraspable idea. Very american.
Well, I could write forever, but I'm about to run out of time. And I gotta go buy some more water.
Bye everyone! I love you!
So today, I woke up around 7 am (which is sleeping in), and discovered a maid in our kitchen! But I didn't know if she was a maid or a family member, so I said, "Est-ce que je peux vous aider?" And first she looked at me for a moment and then laughed, and I worried that I had insulted her before she set me up to do all the families dishes for the past few days! I didn't mind though, I've been without a dishwasher before, and I was happy to help. Standards of cleanliness are sooooo different here...it's a good thing that I'm not a very cleanly person.
Everything I do here seems like something worth talking about, worth discussing. I'm going to pick the most uplifting thing that happend to me today, because I only have a few more minutes at this internet cafe (also, it's about $2 for 30 minutes here and it's a really upscale place! Cabs are like $0.40, everythings so cheap!).
So after I did the dishes I showered, ate breakfast, did some reading, and really tried to interact with the maid and my host siblings, but I got so discouraged because I can't follow them at all! Eventually they kind of gave up and started rapidly speaking to eachother again, and I don't blame them, I'm sure I would do the same, and probably have done the same. After awhile I went back into my room to do some homework, which I have a lot more of than I thought I would, and after an hour or so a timid knock comes on my door and the children start spilling in. I have a host sister Michelle, who is 14, Sheripha is 9, there is another girl who is 9 (she wasn't there and I can't remember her name), a little brother who is 6, and this boy who apparently lives there but isn't part of the family and he's 7 I think.
So all of a sudden I have these 4 kids in my room and I have no idea what to do, because as many of you know I am awkward as hell around children. I didn't know what to do so I pulled out my picture book of Oregon and the world map that I brought, and that did the trick. Pretty soon we were talking all about the world and where we wanted to go and how huge the world is and how far I had to travel to get here. Then they taught me a game that's kind of like that hand slapping game that me and Chris used to play, and then I taught them that game! It was really encouraging. Also, Sheripha runs to give me a hug whenever I come home, so that's nice.
It's still hard here. I still miss Julian so much that I could be sick again, and I am constantly confused, and embarrassed (my host siblings are ALWAYS making fun of my french, but I just have to laugh with them), and hot, and sweaty, and smelly. I guess you just get used to it though.
I would also like to say that Cameroonian french is really different from Parisienne french. Once I discovered that I felt less terrible about my french. Also, my host father is missing his front 4 teeth, so he kind of lisps too.
Oh! And the parents are teachers! The mom teachers primary school and the father teachers physics and chemistry in highschool! Mom, I talked to the dad a lot today about his high school. He says he teaches one class but it has 100 students! And he understand when I told him you teach business, but teaching cooking is an ungraspable idea. Very american.
Well, I could write forever, but I'm about to run out of time. And I gotta go buy some more water.
Bye everyone! I love you!
Friday, January 29, 2010
sorry
hah I realize the end of my last entry may have been alarming. May time just ran out. And now it;s run out again!
Je suis comme un bebe!
Last night was my first night with my home family. It would have been better if I could understand more than 15% of what they were saying to me, and if I wasn't just getting over being terribly sick (more about that later). It's me, a mom and dad, three young children, and one young teenager. From what I've gathered I am with the biggest family in the least nice house, which seems strange to me, but most of the people who take in american students are definetly on the wealthier end of the spectrum. They all seem very nice, but I slept almost all of last night, and then have been at school all day (it's lunch break and I'm at an internet cafe), so I am not sure. I live about 30 minutes from school, and it's not too bad of a walk.
A few days ago I woke up at about 4 am and was violently sick. I can honestly say that I have never been that sick before. Without giving too many details, my body was trying its best to expell any and all fluids. Use your imagination. I couldn't even hold down water for awhile. Finally, at about noon, I finally agreed to go to the hospital with Nathalie, the homestay coordinator. I was really apprehensive, but Nathalie is the is one of the most wonderful human beings I have ever met, and she was very good and letting me rest while she took care of signing me in and lending me money and helping to translate. The doctor told me that it was probably just the food. I think it was the goat meat that I ate. I am feeling sick just thinking about it.
I feel like I should explain that the hospital was not a big bustling place, it was more like a doctors office I suppose...I guess in 1991 God told this German to build a hospital in this valley of Cameroon, and by 1999, viola! L'hopital Bethesda!
Anyway, the doctor gave me some medicine, and told me to rest, and eat rice.
I feel much better now, but I am still very weak and tired. I really did sleep for about 11 hours last night. Today is the first day that I have been able to participate in a full day of class, and have been able to eat a full breakfast and lunch. I think I'll start feeling 100% very soon.
Almost all the other students families have maids and cooks and grown up siblings, and houses with wall hangings and fancy electronics. But not my house. It's mainly cement with lights that work sometimes, and a kitchen that is half inside and half out, and a mother that takes care of her 4 children, and many of their friends who frequent the house. I asked her to wake me up tomorrow so that I could help with the ... SHIT GOTTA GO!
A few days ago I woke up at about 4 am and was violently sick. I can honestly say that I have never been that sick before. Without giving too many details, my body was trying its best to expell any and all fluids. Use your imagination. I couldn't even hold down water for awhile. Finally, at about noon, I finally agreed to go to the hospital with Nathalie, the homestay coordinator. I was really apprehensive, but Nathalie is the is one of the most wonderful human beings I have ever met, and she was very good and letting me rest while she took care of signing me in and lending me money and helping to translate. The doctor told me that it was probably just the food. I think it was the goat meat that I ate. I am feeling sick just thinking about it.
I feel like I should explain that the hospital was not a big bustling place, it was more like a doctors office I suppose...I guess in 1991 God told this German to build a hospital in this valley of Cameroon, and by 1999, viola! L'hopital Bethesda!
Anyway, the doctor gave me some medicine, and told me to rest, and eat rice.
I feel much better now, but I am still very weak and tired. I really did sleep for about 11 hours last night. Today is the first day that I have been able to participate in a full day of class, and have been able to eat a full breakfast and lunch. I think I'll start feeling 100% very soon.
Almost all the other students families have maids and cooks and grown up siblings, and houses with wall hangings and fancy electronics. But not my house. It's mainly cement with lights that work sometimes, and a kitchen that is half inside and half out, and a mother that takes care of her 4 children, and many of their friends who frequent the house. I asked her to wake me up tomorrow so that I could help with the ... SHIT GOTTA GO!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
first impressions
I don't have much time left on this internet cafe's computer, but I wanted to get a quick post in!
I got into Yaounde yesterday evening (seems like forever ago!), and was taken directly to our hostel on the top of a hill in the middle of the city. I don't know what to write, because there's too much to say! It's amazing, and scary, and beautiful, and dirty, and run down and modern, and so much else. I feel like it's a city of contradictions: a coca cola sign hanging on the sign of a building with words from a tribal language painted on the side, women carrying jugs of water on the heads past bars full of people watching soccer (football, Egypt beat Cameroon last night, BAD NEWS), huge europeen styles houses next to clusters of concrete shacks with tin roofs, hords of Cameroonian school children, and a group of 15 young americans walking down a main road.
It's so hot here, I am very angry at the people who told me it wouldn't be so bad. They lied, I haven't sweat this much in a long time. My hands are swollen from the heat, and I just won't stop sweating! I think I'll be so accustomed to the smell of misquito repellent in a few days that I'll never again notice the smell of Deet.
Our hostel is fantastic. I have a roommate in our small room, but our room is still bigger than the dorms at UO! I am really really glad that I bought a misquito net with a floor, because right before I went to bed I found a spider the size of a sand dollar hiding underneath it. There's also an ant hill in our room, but it's by the door so I'm not too worried.
This morning I was woken up by a symphony of jungle noises. Birds and monkeys and mythical beasts I'm sure. There are chickens and goats and random animals walking around the compound.
Oh no! Out of time!
I love you guys and I'll write again as soon as I can!
I got into Yaounde yesterday evening (seems like forever ago!), and was taken directly to our hostel on the top of a hill in the middle of the city. I don't know what to write, because there's too much to say! It's amazing, and scary, and beautiful, and dirty, and run down and modern, and so much else. I feel like it's a city of contradictions: a coca cola sign hanging on the sign of a building with words from a tribal language painted on the side, women carrying jugs of water on the heads past bars full of people watching soccer (football, Egypt beat Cameroon last night, BAD NEWS), huge europeen styles houses next to clusters of concrete shacks with tin roofs, hords of Cameroonian school children, and a group of 15 young americans walking down a main road.
It's so hot here, I am very angry at the people who told me it wouldn't be so bad. They lied, I haven't sweat this much in a long time. My hands are swollen from the heat, and I just won't stop sweating! I think I'll be so accustomed to the smell of misquito repellent in a few days that I'll never again notice the smell of Deet.
Our hostel is fantastic. I have a roommate in our small room, but our room is still bigger than the dorms at UO! I am really really glad that I bought a misquito net with a floor, because right before I went to bed I found a spider the size of a sand dollar hiding underneath it. There's also an ant hill in our room, but it's by the door so I'm not too worried.
This morning I was woken up by a symphony of jungle noises. Birds and monkeys and mythical beasts I'm sure. There are chickens and goats and random animals walking around the compound.
Oh no! Out of time!
I love you guys and I'll write again as soon as I can!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Paris, FINALLY
At about 8:30 am on the 22nd, Julian and I left for the meddy airport. Three flights, 13 hours of lay-over time, 3 changed flights, 5 hours of sleep, 2 airplane ¨meals¨and almost 30 hours later I found myself in CDG. Another 15 minutes and Hugh, the son of a family friend came to get me (thank god, because I would have been SO LOST). About another hour and we emerged in downtown Paris to hordes of attractive young Europeans in dark jackets, smoking ciggerattes and jostling about. It looked like fun until I remembered how tired, hungry, and dirty I was. I smelled like airport, not a good thing.
To quickly explain the story, my first flight was delayed so I missed my two following flights and ended up in Paris about 8 hours later than expected (but atleast I got there). For some reason, the lady at the Medford airport decided to send my bag to Frankfurt as my final destination, but the wonderful people with United were able to stop it in San Fran and reroute it for me. Once I got onto the flight to Munich, things were pretty smooth. I have to admit that I felt pretty out of place whilst waiting to board. First off, I was the youngest female by atleast 10 years, and the only female traveling alone. Secondly, I was holding the only blue USA passport amongst a sea of red ones, and thirdly, after my rediculous morning followed by a 7 hour layover, I really did look like a homeless person.
Last night was a bit rough. I fell asleep for a few hours around midnight, and woke up a few hours ealier. As soon as I woke up, and rolled over to not see Julian beside me, I started bawling. I figured out that since we started being friends in middle school, we have never spent more than a month apart. I am constantly reminded that this trip is going to be one of the hardest things that I do (and not just because I am almost crippled from missing certain people). As is the way with most difficult experiences though, I will learn so much. I know it'll get easier.
Anywho, after I read about 100 pages of "The Dragon Reborn," I finally calmed down enough to fall back asleep. I slept for about 11 hours after that. Now it's 5:30, and I should really try to finish reading, "Men Own the Fields, Women Own the Crops."
Tomorrow I'll leave to catch a train to the airport at about 7am. At 10:30, I'll be off to Cameroon. I really hope I'm ready.
To any friends and family who read this: I love all of you very very much, and I already miss you all dearly. MWAH!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Roughly 35 hours until Paris
I have no idea if I'm prepared, I don't think that I really could be for this. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I suppose I'll learn along the way! And in all actually, I probably am very prepared, but I'm having a hard time battling the control freak in me.
I still need to finish some scholarship applications, and double check that I have all important paperwork. Mom told me to get some sleep, but I've reached the point where I accept that I am going to be awake for a long time. I'm too anxious to sleep anyways. Julian's giving Laura and Gaur a ride home right now...I still don't believe that I'm leaving tomorrow! I'm worried my friends think that I don't care that I won't be seeing them for awhile, since I haven't shown much emotion when I say goodbye. Really, I just still think I'm about to go back to Eugene soon. I can't bring myself to believe that this is the last 15 hours Julian and I will spend together for 4 months.
Meh, I'm going to go double check my giant bag of medication.
GOOD NIGHT!
I still need to finish some scholarship applications, and double check that I have all important paperwork. Mom told me to get some sleep, but I've reached the point where I accept that I am going to be awake for a long time. I'm too anxious to sleep anyways. Julian's giving Laura and Gaur a ride home right now...I still don't believe that I'm leaving tomorrow! I'm worried my friends think that I don't care that I won't be seeing them for awhile, since I haven't shown much emotion when I say goodbye. Really, I just still think I'm about to go back to Eugene soon. I can't bring myself to believe that this is the last 15 hours Julian and I will spend together for 4 months.
Meh, I'm going to go double check my giant bag of medication.
GOOD NIGHT!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
